Breaking the Chain - Part 2:
What Healing Actually Looks Like
August 17th, 2026
By Pastor Tommy Luster
MAML, Registered Mental Health Counseling Intern
In Part 1, we talked about something many cycle-breakers need permission to accept: you are responsible for your healing, but you are not responsible for changing the people who hurt you. Part 2 asks the next question: What does healing actually look like?
Breaking a generational cycle is more than saying, “I will never be like them.” Lasting change requires learning what shaped you, recognizing what still influences you, and intentionally practicing something different. From a Psychopneumasomatic perspective, that work involves the mind, spirit, and body—and eventually shows up in how we relate to others.
Start With the Mind
Childhood adversity can influence beliefs and thinking patterns that follow us into adulthood. Research has associated adverse childhood experiences with repetitive negative thinking and early maladaptive schemas about the self, others, and relationships (Mansueto et al., 2021; Pilkington et al., 2021).
Cycle-breaking requires asking: What did my family teach me about love, conflict, safety, worth, anger, or vulnerability? Then comes the harder question: Is what I learned still healthy or true? Sometimes healing means replacing, “I have to keep everyone happy to be safe,” with, “I can care about others without abandoning myself.”
Listen to the Body
Understanding something intellectually does not always mean the body immediately responds differently. Remember from Part 1, research has linked adverse childhood experiences with greater allostatic load—the cumulative physiological burden associated with repeated or chronic stress (Finlay et al., 2022). In counseling, I encourage people to notice what happens inside them during conflict. Do you tense up, shut down, become defensive, over-explain, or immediately try to fix everything? The goal is not to shame the reaction. It is to recognize it, regulate yourself, and practice a healthier response.
Tend to the Spirit
Generational wounds can also influence how we understand love, forgiveness, responsibility, and even God. Romans 12:2 speaks of transformation through the “renewal of your mind” (English Standard Version Bible, 2001/2016). Spiritual healing may include prayer, lament, forgiveness, repentance where necessary, and surrendering responsibilities to God that were never ours to control. But spiritual growth should never
become spiritual avoidance. Prayer and forgiveness do not eliminate the need for grief, boundaries, accountability, or counseling.
Build Something Different
Research suggests that social support and healthier family functioning can buffer some negative outcomes associated with childhood adversity (Buchanan et al., 2023; Reese et al., 2022). Just as importantly, positive
childhood experiences can also show intergenerational continuity and are associated with better child well-being (Blackwell et al., 2024). Breaking the cycle, then, is not only about what you stop. It is also about what you intentionally create.
You learn healthier communication. You regulate before reacting. You apologize when you are wrong. You create emotional safety. You allow other people to have emotions without automatically making those emotions your responsibility. You choose consistency where chaos once felt normal. Healing cannot rewrite your childhood. It can, however, change the patterns you practice in adulthood.
If you recognize family patterns you do not want governing your relationships or shaping the next generation, counseling can help you understand them and practice healthier alternatives. At Striving Higher Counseling, I help individuals address these patterns through an integrative, whole-person approach that considers psychological, relational, physical, and spiritual well-being.
Your history deserves understanding. Your future deserves intention.
References
Blackwell, C. K., Cella, D., & Mansolf, M. (2024). Intergenerational transmission of adverse and positive childhood experiences and associations with child well-being. Child Abuse & Neglect, 157,
107050. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chiabu.2024.107050
Buchanan, M., Walker, G., Boden, J. M., Mansoor, Z., & Newton-Howes, G. (2023). Protective factors for psychosocial outcomes following cumulative childhood adversity: Systematic review. BJPsych Open, 9(6),
e197. https://doi.org/10.1192/bjo.2023.561
English Standard Version Bible. (2016). Crossway. (Original work published 2001)
Finlay, S., Roth, C., Zimsen, T., Bridson, T. L., Sarnyai, Z., & McDermott, B. (2022). Adverse childhood experiences and allostatic load: A systematic review. Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, 136,
104605. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.neubiorev.2022.104605
Mansueto, G., Cavallo, C., Palmieri, S., Ruggiero, G. M., Sassaroli, S., & Caselli, G. (2021). Adverse childhood experiences and repetitive negative thinking in adulthood: A systematic review. Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy, 28(3), 557–568. https://doi.org/10.1002/cpp.2590
Pilkington, P. D., Bishop, A., & Younan, R. (2021). Adverse childhood experiences and early maladaptive schemas in adulthood: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy, 28(3), 569–584. https://doi.org/10.1002/cpp.2533
Reese, E. M., Barlow, M. J., Dillon, M., Villalon, S., Barnes, M. D., & Crandall, A. (2022). Intergenerational transmission of trauma: The mediating effects of family health. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 19(10), 5944. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph19105944